Ich Bin Ein Beijinger: Beijing Graduation

“Ich Bin Ein Beijinger” was a magazine column written by Kaiser Kuo that ran in every issue from October 2001 to October 2011. Kaiser offered one self-proclaimed Beijinger's take on the city that he's come to call home.

[Editor’s note: This is the commencement address Kaiser delivered at one of Beijing’s international schools.]

July 2008 – Graduating from high school is a very special moment in life. Tonight you can look back – fondly, I trust – on your years at Beijing High: on the friends you’ve made, on all that you think you’ve learned, on the fun you’ve had. And at the same time you can look forward to the strange and wonderful experiences that lie ahead for you as you make your way in the world. It might not seem possible, but believe me: It gets even better from here on out. It’s a great time to be young, I say as a quickly aging old fart already pathetically trading on past glories, and as you wrap up one memorable chapter of your lives and get ready to embark on the next adventure I truly envy all of you.

You lived here in Beijing at one of the really history-defining moments for China. The experiences you had here you’ll carry with you for the rest of your lives. I dare say that for each and every one of you, whether you know it or not, China is going to figure very prominently in your lives.

Years from now, no matter where you find yourselves, there will be things that remind you of your Beijing days: when you’re stuck for hours in rush-hour traffic in Rome, when you catch those familiar but still unidentifiable smells wandering through Brazilian favelas, when you hear the insipid strains of a Kenny G sax melody in an elevator in Boston, when the wind kicks up as you trek across the Algerian Maghreb, and – no matter where on Earth you are – every time you hear that familiar sound of a throat being vigorously cleared.

I imagine that many of you – most of you, probably – will be going off to college, if not this fall then in the next year. As you leave our beloved Beijing for other cities – cities where you can throw the toilet paper straight into the toilet – there are many valuable lessons that you’ll take away from your years spent here. Like how to cut in long lines without attracting attention. How to score amazingly realistic designer-label clothing and accessories at bargain-bin prices. How to weave through heavy traffic on a bicycle.

Most importantly, most of you will leave Beijing with absolutely enormous DVD collections that will inspire the envy of your friends from countries not blessed with such resourceful media entrepreneurs. Play that card right and you’ll be the most popular kid in your college dorm.

Wherever you go, there will be people you’ll meet who, because of biases in the media, have an impression of Beijing that’s distinctly different from what you know from living here. It’s your solemn duty to disabuse them of such notions. But have some fun doing it: Tell them that in high school, you had to report at 5am for military training, and that as a result you’re now certified on the T-72 tank and .50 caliber heavy machine gun. That sort of thing.

The rest of the world out there isn’t all like Beijing, and it’s important that you keep some things in mind before you venture out into the world beyond.

Remember, when you get behind the wheel, that in most other places you can’t just make left turns in front of oncoming traffic as soon as the light turns green.

Remember that in most other places, it’s not polite to scream “Hey! Xiaojie!” at the waitress from across the restaurant.

Remember that in most other major world cities, taxis are really, really expensive. And you don’t get a free half-hour scalp massage and shampoo with a 15-kuai haircut.

One of the things I love most about living in Beijing is the incredible diversity of people you meet here – expatriate businesspeople, travelers, diplomats, journalists, general slacker-types (yeah, okay, mostly slacker-types) – from countries all over the world. You’re all very lucky to have attended a school like Beijing High, where you’ve been given exposure to so many different backgrounds. For the rest of your lives, you can make fun of people from other cultures and really know what you’re talking about.

Keep in touch with your friends. In the coming years you’re going to scatter to different corners of the world, and if you stay in touch you’ll have a network of friends that spans the globe. From Singapore to Seoul, San Francisco to St. Petersburg, you’ll have couches to crash on whenever you travel. Think of all the money you’ll save!

But seriously, after living in Beijing I’ve found that many people get so addicted to the manic, madcap pace of change here that they find it hard to adjust to the slower pace of life in developed countries. I know that for me, when I’m away from Beijing even for a week I feel this anxiety that I’m missing out on something, like when you leave a really fun party that’s still going on because your parents have imposed an unreasonably early curfew.

Don’t worry, though. When you find yourself missing Beijing, as you surely will, you can still read the China Daily online, and if you’re lucky, you can even tune into CCTV-9.