The Lighter Side of China: Things That Make You Smile

It is a universal belief that laughter is the best medicine. A Google search on the topic turns up some 168,000 articles on the subject; even such respected publications as the Journal of the American Medical Association have covered the topic. That’s why I believe China is one of the healthiest places to live. I know that many people argue the exact opposite. Given the air pollution, the stress and dubious food quality, there are many data points that support the health risks associated with living in China. But hear me out for a second. Have any of these cynics considered the number of times they have laughed, smiled or smirked at some policy, statement, regulation or campaign that provides some comic relief on an otherwise smoggy, stressful day? I figure that the amount I chuckle must balance out the health dangers of living here. So let me say a moment of thanks to those people behind the incidents that have provided me a bit of levity in my days here.

First, a special thanks to officials at Shanghai Airlines. Ten years ago, after a long day in Shanghai, I boarded a Shanghai Airlines plane to travel home to Beijing. This was the post-9/11 period and going through airport security was a huge hassle. While the process was a bit more relaxed in China than elsewhere in the world, getting through security still took time. After going through the regular gymnastics, I was even pulled aside for a pat-down. It took a while, but it was not as thorough as the time I saw a female security officer in the Beijing airport check out David Beckham when Barcelona played Real Madrid in 2005. Anyway, I finally made it through security, boarded the plane and took my seat in business class. At the time, Shanghai Airlines was famous for handing out gifts to passengers in business class. Well, shortly after the plane took off, the stewardess walked by and handed me a white square box. I open it up … and see a wonderful manicure set, complete with nail clippers and a long metal nail file shaped just like a knife. I looked at this in disbelief. A nail file? Dinner came and I was given plastic utensils. I shook my head and smiled.

Second, thanks to all of the government workers who have given much thought to the need for multiple forms required to perform simple tasks. For example, buying even a small item at a government-owned department store involves a flurry of receipts. I get dizzy at all the colors – usually pink, white and blue – and who gets which one. Or better yet, the person who thought up the health declaration form, which was given out on airplanes after the 2002 Severe Acute Respiratory Syndrome (SARS) epidemic. While these forms were given attention in the years following SARS, by the time 2007 rolled around, stewardesses distributed them out of habit. The forms were collected before going through immigration, but no one really cared what was written on them. I had a colleague who used to fill these out using fictional names and details; he would get a chuckle every time he handed them to the airport authorities.

Third, I remember smirking in 2002 when observing heavy security around all of the embassies when a number of North Koreans in Beijing were seeking asylum elsewhere. (In this particular case, they stormed the German school.) Living next to the North Korean embassy, I noticed that of all the embassies, they had some of the heaviest security. My wife looked at me and laughed, “Do they really think people are going to rush the North Korean embassy to seek asylum?” So thank you to the People’s Liberation Army (PLA) or the North Korea embassy or whoever is responsible for this very poignant memory.

Fourth, I have to give thanks to Beijing city officials for coining the phrase “Blue Sky days.” It referred to days in which the amount of measurable sulfur dioxide, nitrogen dioxide and particulate matter in the air (aka PM10) were relatively low. In the lead-up to the 2008 Summer Olympics, the Beijing officials promised something like 256 Blue Sky days. It was the first time I had ever heard public officials making a promise related to air quality and the weather. Well, every day in 2007 and 2008, my colleagues and I would look out of the window and we would debate whether the color of the sky qualified it as a Blue Sky day. I learned quite a bit about color tones that year. As an optimist, I would always lean to the blue as opposed to the gray. On the good days, the sky was more like indigo violet. On the bad days it was more like eggplant violet. We certainly had many entertaining conversations as we explored the color wheel. We did agree on one thing: When the Beijing government made it rain, a Blue Sky day would likely follow. For those readers who think they misread this, let me repeat, when the Chinese government made it rain – and they do have this technology – a Blue Sky day would likely follow. There have been a lot of laughs around conversations related to when and where I would make it rain to ensure a beautiful day that follows. So thank you, Beijing!

But the big prize, the major thank you for great humor in the past year, goes to the Beijing Municipal Commission of City Administration and Environment. In mid-May 2012, the Division of the Chinese government gave us a doozy. In an effort to make Beijing more hygienic and environmentally sound, they published the “Beijing City Standards for the Major Profession of Public Toilet Management and Service Regulations.” These rules stipulate that public toilets must be kept clean in the city and that they will be considered unclean if more than two flies exist in the toilets. Naturally, this regulation will bring welcome changes for very untidy public toilets, but it also raised a number of questions and comments: What happens when three flies exist? How did they arrive at the two-fly criteria? Why not one fly and one ant? Rumor has it they are coining a rhyme to help people remember the regulation. It begins something like this: “Poo fly, don’t bother me ...”

Do I worry about the number of health risks I’ve been exposed to after having lived in China for 18 years? I certainly do. But with such help from friends in positions of authority, like the Beijing Municipal Commission of City Administration and the Environment, I feel safe. Bring on the air pollution – I have plenty of help to combat this.

Photo: DudeLoL.com