Throwback Thursday: The Great Beijing Swimwear Faux Pas of 2009
Throwback Thursday takes a look back into Beijing's past, using our nine-year-strong blog archives as the source for a glance at the weird and wonderful of yesteryear.
I doubt there will ever be a time when someone will look at their childhood pictures and not cover their mouth in embarrassment over their hair/pants/makeup/general lack of fashion cred. Well, it appears that the Beijinger is also not immune to such severe failings in taste, apparently suggesting that everyone should wear these, what were eight years ago the "hottest swimsuits on the market," and without nary a hint of sarcasm (sorry y'all). Let us heap scorn on our past selves with a closer look at what passed for beach wear in 2009.
Or so we thought. Seriously, we apologize to anyone who actually followed our advice and spent ridiculous sums of money (well, only RMB 5,270 for the shiny beauty above) on these incredibly noughties swimming garments. This little number was supposed to "turn heads." We can't imagine it would have helped when trying to score with a poolside crush.
This dreamy turquoise combo was undoubtedly "hip" back in 2009, as was almost anything Billabong and Rip Curl. Unfortunately the word hip itself has even fallen out of favor in that very same amount of time. Ah, we are such fickle beings, us humans. I bet the girl wearing this was "the most popular girl in school." Would go well complimented with some clip-on, bright pink braids.
This blue prize is exactly what "seductive from every angle" was. Oh, the simpler times of 2009!
You may be holding on to your swimsuit from the last year of high school, comparing it to these pictures and trying to decide if it's still appropriate to wear – sorry, it probably isn't. Bin that. But look at what's in stores to pamper you and your wallet for the rest of the summer. Seems like fashion has moved on to slightly safer spaces and ditched the Technicolor dream for the seasons. Take our advice with caution though.
Monstera and other tropical leaves are in complete control of clothes, household items, stationery and accessories this summer. Why not look like one yourself with this piece from ZARA (RMB 229).
If summer came a tad too quickly and that beach body is still in the making, opt for one of these to keep all the extras out of sight and mind. If you are looking for even less visibility, look for a black one at H&M (RMB 299).
Remember what I said about tropical patterns? Ding ding ding, here they come. Even if we don't see palm trees through our windows and thick jungle air does not caress our foreheads in Beijing, we can still wear it. Forever 21 is having a sale (you can be a jungle babe for RMB 104.30 as of today) so you might as well grab two and go to the pool with your matching friend. Look at you, cuties.
While it seems like this heatwave (can we just officially call it 'summer'. This heatwave has lasted for the past two months) will still torture our poor souls and sweat glands for a while, why not put some more layers on and ride the full-on Chinese beach wave with a Facekini. It's hot as hell anyway, how much worse can it get? With a slightly limited selection of natural (and not eat-your-skin toxic) bodies of water, there is always the worshiped Beijing pools. You might need to down a Margarita or two before dipping your toes in, either to build up immunity or so you won’t care about the unidentifiable, general grossness in the water. Splash away, you fabulous pool snowflakes!
