Date Night China: Agony Aunt Moira Talks Race Card
This article comes from Date Night China (WeChat ID: datenightchina), your guide to dating in China, from love to lust, first dates to worst dates, hilarious stories, and top tips to avoid (or steer into) disaster. Single in the city? Season 2 of their podcast is out now. To connect with others in the DNC community, add co-host Rachel to join their WeChat group: rachelweiss22
Ask Agony Aunt Moira is a DNC advice column by an anonymous Beijinger who gives sometimes savage, often hilarious, and always honest advice about dating and relationships in China.
The Race Card Part 1
Following the explosive Meghan Markel interview with Oprah, several discussions have begun around issues of racism.
It's incredulous for anyone to act shocked that even in the highest of echelons of power and privilege, racism is still real and prevalent. I suppose people are far more uncomfortable with the idea of such a powerful, wealthy, educated, cultured, famous mix-raced woman who is married to an actual prince still stands unprotected against the vulgarities of racism.
Yes. It is still possible to be powerful and still face racism. It is not unheard of.
There is a reason why Olivia Pope, a character from the hit TV show Scandal, yet another woman in a relationship (albeit fictionally) with an exceptionally powerful man not of her race, still had to be torn a new one by her father.
Having miraculously forgotten the struggles she had to go through to get to her current position as the American president’s lover, her father reminds her that, “You have to be…twice as good as them to get half of what they have!”
This fact still remains true for many people of color across the world.
That is why, when Meghan was first revealed to be Harry’s fiancé, people accused her of social climbing despite being famous and rich on her own merit.
That is why UK tabloids pilloried her any chance they got, constantly portraying her in a far more unflattering light where her counterpart, Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge, enjoyed support and grace from the press.
And that is why, now, after revelations of mental health struggles and accusations of racism against her unborn son, people like Piers Morgan are far more concerned with how she portrayed the British royal family than the possible veracity of her claims.
In short, what Meghan is going through is part of what gives many pause when it comes to interracial dating – possible racism, being held to a higher standard than your non-minority partner, being accused of ulterior motives for falling in love with someone outside your own race, and the social isolation and stigma which comes not only from your own community but possibly from your partner's.
The world is still full of people who will claim to believe in the enduring power of love, but double down on the notion that different races have different places. It is uncomfortable to face, but it is an issue we have to come to terms with, address, and work to change.
Not All Bad
It's hard to imagine a world where this thing called miscegenation – something that was illegal in most American states until 1967, in Nazi Germany between 1935-1945, and in South Africa from 1947 to 1985 – doesn’t exist.
A world like that would be a world without the likes of Barak Obama, Tiger Woods, Meghan Markel, and Halle Berry, and a ton of other awesome celebrities we celebrate today. Even Beyonce who has Cajun ancestry, something she acknowledged in her song "Formation."
It is all around us, has created that ambiguous aesthetic that so many love (at the cost of many indigenous standards of beauty), and has given us a glimpse into the future when people will no longer see color but will see people.
But for now, we must acknowledge where we are. We still do live in a world where people see not only race and skin color but see the cultural significance of it, and the stigma or stereotypes that go along with it.
I hear people often say they don’t see color, they see people, and what I would suspect they mean is, in such a globalized world where we all basically live in one mega hybrid culture, there is not much difference in what matters between two people clearly from different races.
Call it the America effect, but we all seem to trill our R’s, and refer to the same shows, enjoy the same pastimes and endure the same struggles. However, your acceptance of people for who they are not what they look like doesn’t mean the rest of the world is there with you. 
Pro tip
When entering a multi-cultural or multi-racial relationship, do not let your love for your partner blind you to the possible prejudice following the person you claim to love.
Your response to your partner’s complaints of racial profiling or abuse may be, "but you’re such a lovely person. How could anyone do that to you?"
The simple answer is because they can. Racism is not driven by markers of quality like personality or behavior, but by the fundamental belief of a racial hierarchy where some are arbitrarily higher, more desirable, and better than others.
Your response to your partner sharing such concerns with you should be asking how you can help. Examine yourself and any possible blind spots you might have when it comes to matters of race.
Most importantly, do not compare other struggles or forms of discrimination you might have suffered in the past to the racial one your partner has suffered. Struggles are not the same, and unless you have been in a similar racially-motivated situation, you do not know how it feels, so listen more than speak. You might learn something.
Until next time, your Agony Aunt Moira!
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Do you have a dating or relationship question? Find out what Aunt Moira thinks! Send your question for Aunt Moira in to Date Night China admin Rachel (WeChat ID: rachelweiss22).
READ: Date Night China: The 13 Types of Daters in China'
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