Kitsch KTV: Beijing's Newest Karaoke Lounges

What’s not to like about KTV? It’s a wondrous place where frosty working relationships are shattered and reputations made. Where promotions can be rewarded and reconsidered, business deals clinched or lost, and office romances blossom or die on the vine. Where you find glorious safety in numbers, or learn how terrifying and lonely four minutes can be. A magical place where hours flitter by in the twinkle of a disco ball.

There are plenty of places where you and your friends can caterwaul to your soul’s content, but we decided to size up some of the newest joints in the city.

A-CLASS

With its classy black granite and white marble interior, as well as the sleek, modern user interface, you might well imagine having to shell out a drunken bundle for a night of crooning up on the fifth floor of Sanlitun Soho, but it’s surprisingly affordable. The staff are quick to fetch whatever you ask of them and to help out with song selection issues.

Price: RMB 119/hr (small room) to RMB 489/ hr (VIP room) from 9pm-midnight. Currently running a half-price discount “for the foreseeable future.” I think that translates into “until people actually start to care about Sanlitun Soho.”

Number of English-language songs: 8,484. The selection ranges from Shakin Stevens to Linkin Park.

Food and drink: A food menu that ranges from a “DPRK-PRC Friendship Appetizer” to pricey entrees. Bottles of vodka and whiskey at RMB 318 and 480 respectively, bottled Carlsberg (RMB 18) and Duvel and Lindemans (RMB 50), cocktails for RMB 40-60.

Rooms: Except for a Confucian-themed room and a purple room that wouldn’t look out of place behind a velvet rope in the VIP area of a Gongti nightclub, A-Class’s private rooms specialize in oversized opulence. Be ready for marble tabletops, gold-plated handles and gold leather chaises longues.

Song suggestions: The staff would be very proud to hear you having a crack at “Arirang,” the anthem of North Korea’s Mass Games.

IBIZA

It’s not easy to take on big boys like Melody and Tango, but this Sanlitun Soho newbie features some fine gimmicks. Ten different themes are splashed across 76 rooms, and massive touch-screen table games are available in every room. So you can bash away at Pac-Man while your colleagues spit ‘Pac, man.

Price: Varies by room size and the number in your party. For non-members, a four-hour (peak time) stint costs RMB 200-400, with no extra charge for the room theme of your choice.

Food and drink: A bottle of Stella goes for RMB 18, an Erdinger for RMB 58. Look for drinks deals – we saw 12 Stella and some snacks for RMB 258 on our last visit. There’s also a cursory food and snack menu.

Number of English-language songs: 8,400

Song suggestions: How about “Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds” in the astrology-themed room, or The Clash’s “Should I Stay or Should I Go” in the denim room? Of course, “Gold Digger” is a shoe-in for the Louis Vuitton room, while you could orchestrate a Bondathon by belting out “Live and Let Die” in the 007 room, or “Diamonds Are Forever” in the jewel room.

COOLTH

When Coolth took over the space formerly occupied by Lantern in 2010, it raised the bar for a Beijing KTV experience (the cordless microphones are a godsend). With up to 60 different themes to choose from, there’s something to suit everyone’s tastes. Alas, on the busier weekend nights, you may not necessarily get your favorite theme room. Still, Coolth KTV is working hard to be a “fantasy world of entertainment,” with a lobby featuring life-sized figures of Prince William and the Duchess of Cornwall. That makes Coolth quite possibly the only KTV joint in Asia where you get to rub shoulders with an angry drunk on Sanlitun Houjie at 9pm and with expectant royalty at 9.05pm.

Price: Lots of extras puts Coolth on the pricey side. Rooms go for RMB 119-339/hr at peak hours.

Food and drink: Reasonably priced. Beer clocks in at RMB 20 while a bottle of Absolut vodka will set your group back RMB 498.

Number of English-language songs: The song selection is so huge that staff couldn’t even tell us how many. (Or is that because the song selection machine isn’t the most intuitive to operate?) We eventually found all the classic ’80s power ballads we were looking for, as well as the latest chart-toppers from LMFAO and Taylor Swift.

Song suggestions: Cliff Richard’s “Living Doll” in the creepy Super Dollfie room. And has there ever been a more suitable location for a rendition of the Beatles “Octopus’s Garden” than the aquarium room? “Surfin’ USA” would make waves in the beach rental room, while “A Whole New World” would be most apt in the Disney subway room. Squeeze’s “Cool For Cats” is a karaoke classic – why not opt for that in the Doraemon room? We’ll let you figure out what to sing in the Super Mario room.

KTV tips

• Nothing’s more exhilarating than spur-of-the-moment KTV, but if you’re paying full-price, you didn’t do your homework. Promotional deals abound – always inquire.
• Check your equipment before your fuwuyuan leaves the room. That way it can be speedily replaced or you can relocate to another room, and your drunken boss won’t cop the blame for breaking that tambourine.

Photos courtesy of A-Class and Coolth