18 New Year's Resolutions for the Ignorant Foreigner

New year, new beginning; strange city, strange culture; we know the story. Here are some suggestions to get even more local, slightly gritty, be healthy and maybe a little silly in 2014.

1. Learn one Chinese tongue twister a week, or at the very least how to pronounce chūqù.

2. Master a taxi app to lower your blood pressure at rush hour.

3. Buy a fixed-gear bicycle. They look awesome and really are the best way to get around.

4. Girls: in order to learn local customs, try dating more Chinese men. You can even rent one on taobao.

5. Avoid tourist hoards. See the Great Wall from a helicopter. Spectacular.

6. Train crickets to battle. It's the coolest hobby ever.

7. Start worshipping mangos. It was the tangiest cult ever.

8. Trap a pesky hipster or two. The hutongs are in danger.

9. Learn and regularly apply at least one traditional Chinese manner.

10. You really should read a book about this city.

11. Get your vitamins. Try to shop at a vegetable market at least once a week.

12. Get your friends together to make a parody music video. Be original. But not another rap spoof, please.

13. Try some traditional medicine. While you're at it get scraped and cupped. Show off your bruises to the old dudes at the gym.

14. Please start driving your scooter legally. Here’s how.

15. Get fat on traditional desserts, like this scrumptious date cake. Your excuse: "I'm adapting."

16. Blow your guest away. Make mulled Chinese yellow wine. Stop boiling oranges in that RMB 20 Great Wall swill.

17. Learn how to cook. Then learn how to cook Chinese dishes. Start with the perfect kung pao chicken.

18. And go on… eat the chicken’s head!

What are your new year's resolutions for 2014? Shoot us a comment.

Photo: mmbolding.com