Taste Test: Lunch Crunch

Everyone gets their lunch cravings satisfied by a convenience store once in a while (if not every single day, three times per day) but which sandwiches and baozi actually make the cut? We went there and did your dirty work: in this month's Taste Test we tried the steaming baozi and slimy sandwiches from three of Beijing’s most visited convenience stores. Let the weeping begin.
 

Haolinju – Ham Sandwich (RMB 6.9)
“It smells like it has been preserved in formaldehyde. This sandwich will still be here after I’m gone.”
“I think the meat slice used to be an animal, once, but the sugary bread is doing its very best to distract me from whether it’s going to bite back or not.”
“This sandwich is just like my hopes and dreams in China; a brutally crushing lie. At least the fillings were squeezed to the front to make it appear nice.”
 

Kuaike – Ham and Cheese Sandwich (RMB 5.5)
“The filling has receded into the middle, as my tongue did upon seeing this sandwich.”
“The odd combination of ketchup and mayonnaise hides the slightly sweet, oddly yellowed bread.”
“I just can’t see past the fact that I’m eating what is essentially a glorified door wedge.”
 

7-Eleven – Ham and Egg Sandwich (RMB 6.9)
“Doesn’t taste as terrifying as it looks, except for a sad leaf of lettuce that looks like it was nibbled by a mouse.”
“Thinner ham leaves less space for genetically modified pig fat. That’s good, right?”
“Perfect dosage of mayonnaise, but the egg seems slightly toxic. Or are eggs meant to be lime green?”
 

7-Eleven – Pork and Cabbage Baozi (RMB 1.5)
“The best baozi out of the bunch - for a convenience store item.”
“This tastes a little bit sour. Like it was made using an anemic micro- pig cadaver.”
“If Tianjin saw this baozi I think the city would just cry out of shame. I think I am talking myself into liking it though.”
 

Haolinju – Shrimp and Rice Noodle Corn Baozi (RMB 3)
“Reminds me of the Beijing Aquarium, like its entire sea life exhibit has died inside this baozi. Twice.”
“If we leave this baozi out long enough, it will grow legs and scuttle off.”
“This baozi would always be on the losing end of ‘would you rather.’”
 

Kuaike – Pork Baozi (RMB 2)
“It is like Doughboy decided to pop a squat inside the tiny reheat drawers and relieve himself. Rou-no-oh-oh.”
“So as to save myself from vomiting I will say that the texture is most similar to discarded soggy lint.”
“No matter how many times you reheat it, it will never be revived to something edible.”

VERDICT
None of the baozi or sandwiches we tried are anyone’s ideal lunch, and there was very little to actually recommend except 7-Eleven’s Ham and Egg Sandwich. And by recommend, we of course mean “you probably won’t feel sick.”

More stories by this author here.

Email: margauxschreurs@truerun.com
Instagram: @s.xuagram

Photo: the Beijinger