Funny, Weird, and Explicit: A Look at Beijing's Humorous Building Nicknames

Two years ago the government shocked the public with yet another demonstration of flair, creativity, and verbalism by calling the capital's new airport the only thing that it could possibly be called: the Beijing Daxing International Airport. Luckily, as is the tradition at the unveiling of new iconic buildings in Beijing, the Chinese public flexed their imaginative muscles and undid the apparent minutes of hard work that has gone into "describing" the new mammoth airport down south, dubbing it the "giant starfish."

The opening of China's biggest airport, which just celebrated its one year anniversary, also marked the closure of the country's oldest, Beijing Nanyuan, which was subsequently dismantled after a 108-year-strong history of confusing the shit out of expats when they realized they're not actually flying out of Beijing Capital International Airport. Luckily, Beijing Daxing International Airport hasn't caused the same confusion given its whopping size, which includes a 600,000sqm main concourse (equivalent to 80 football pitches), the largest plane hangar in the world. What's more, by 2025 it will accommodate 72 million passengers per year.

Although widely known as the "giant starfish," we figured that in light of the Daxing's one year birthday, we would come up with some other nicknames for the mammoth structure. For a little inspiration, however, let's first take a look at some of the epithets the public has chosen to replace the stuffy official monikers of other buildings around town (often to the chagrin of the government):

CCTV Headquarters

Probably the best-known example of the cheeky humor of the Beijing populace, upon its completion the CCTV Headquarters was quickly renamed, supposedly by one particularly inspired taxi driver, as "Big Underpants" (大裤衩 dà kùchǎ). Perhaps thankfully, "Hemorrhoids" didn't stick.

Beijing National Stadium

A close second place as Beijing's most iconic building, the Beijing National Stadium was the home of the 2008 Beijing Summer Olympics, taking instead the much more fetching name of the "Bird's Nest" (鸟巢 niǎocháo). It helped that it shares the name with one of China's most prized dishes: the swallow's nest, which has been used in cooking for almost 400 years. However, with the mediocre attempts to repurpose the stadium, it's unlikely that it'll be around anywhere near that long.

Beijing National Aquatics Center

Likewise, the Beijing National Aquatics Center didn't maintain its forgettable name for long, almost instantly being renamed the "Water Cube" (水立方 shuǐ lìfāng) befuddling physicists with the idea that water could be both a liquid and a cube.

National Center for the Performing Arts (NCPA)

Opened in 2007, the National Center for the Performing Arts (NCPA) soon became known colloquially as the Giant Egg (巨蛋 jù dàn) thanks to its massive ellipsoid dome. Surrounded by a shallow pool of water, it remains one of the best-looking buildings Beijing's got.

People's Daily Building

Well, umm, no imagination necessary here. Luckily, upon completion, the People's Daily Building had dodged its near-certain nickname of 屌炸天 diǎo zhà tiān by transforming into something altogether more graceful:

With those out of the way, it's time to conjure up some playful suggestions as to what else could work for the Beijing Daxing International Airport.

The Orange Starfish

Let's begin with its current nickname and the one that stood the forerunner for the crown, with many astute netizens dubbing the new terminus the Big Starfish in 2016, before steel even hit soil.

Weird Five-Pronged Foam Frisbee Thing

Certainly not the catchiest name, this one's unlikely to stick given that these things never really took off (literally and figuratively), unlike what all those planes will be doing out of Daxing.

Platypus Palace

Alternatively, it could be named after everyone's favorite weirdo mammal, one that lays eggs instead of live young, can be milked, has a venomous hind spur, and who sports a bill that looks very much like one of the new airport's six prongs. I see a mascot in the works if nothing else.

This Rendering of a Fidget Spinner

And with that, I give up.

Whether or not any of these options will dethrone the Giant Starfish, Beijing will be able to hold its chin high knowing that it is the proud owner of the world's largest airport. Let's just hope that it doesn't inherit the delays that precede the city's other airports' reputations.

READ: Oh, the Places We Go! Domestic Travel in the Time of COVID

Images: thousandwonders.net, theasiadialogue.com, area-arch.it, archdaily.com, dailytelegraph.com.au