Taste Test: China's Coffee-Cola Concoctions That Nobody Asked For
Have you ever been sipping your morning coffee and thought, I love how this yellows my teeth, but I just wish it also destroyed the inside of my body? If so, you should try these new cola-coffee mixtures! If not, you’re in luck, because, at great cost to our own wellbeing, we’ve tried all of them (well, four) for you.
Notably, this is the second time that Coca-Cola dips its diabetic foot into coffee-infused waters. 14 years ago, they launched the short-lived Coca-Cola Blak but alas, the primitive American culture of the '00s just wasn’t ready to handle a coffee-flavored Coke. Now, however, the company is betting that the woke Millenials of 2019 are ready to get even woker with twice the caffeine and half the calories of their flagship product. Rather than coffee flavoring, the new Coke +Coffee uses real coffee in its recipe.
Following a successful launch in Australia and Thailand, Coke decided to bring their coffee product not just back to their home turf, but into China as well, where it features real Brazillian coffee and can be found on most 7-Eleven shelves. Bottled-water giant Nongfushan has followed suit with their own coffee-cola beverage, creepily titled "Time Being Touched," of which we discovered a lone bottle in the fridge of a dingy convenience store. As for the remaining two small-name brands on this list, we wouldn't recommend you try tracking them down (on Taobao) unless you really want to rapidly touch the end of your time.
The results
Coca-Cola +Coffee
The classic, but with coffee. Opening up the bottle produces that familiar Coke smell. Indeed, there is not much difference on the nose compared to regular Coke, but the mouth is a different story. The familiar cane sugar taste is recognizable except this time its soon overpowered by a strong and sweet caramel flavor. Others have described this as a “coffee-candy” flavor, but our best guess is that the extra sweetness was added to mask the aftertaste of stale coffee beans settling on the tongue. In total, the drink is overly sweet and finishes with the wrong kind of bitter aftertaste. It’s not going to replace the office coffee machine, but (spoiler alert) it certainly is the most palatable of the four we tried.
Nongfushan "Time Being Touched"
As Matthew McConaughey announces 18-cans-deep in season one of True Detective, "Time is a flat circle." Another example of a flat circle is an ashtray, which is pretty much what this bizarrely named drink tastes like. Its most notable trait is a robust aroma that begs you not to put it in your mouth – if you do, open up to the sickly sweet taste of regret.
Yiran Coffee-Flavored Soda
This cola intrigues with its black bottle, concealing the mysterious contents within. Once open, it is much easier on the nose thanks to a slight coffee-esque smell. As you probably guessed, however, one of these testers had to bear the taste of Chinese medicine, and this is the one. Its closest analog might be 急支糖浆 jí zhī táng jiāng, a nearly undrinkable, sugary cough remedy.
Hamu’s Coffee Cola Flavor Soft Drink
If you thought Hamu (pronounced "Ham who?") was bold for shamelessly ripping off Coca-Cola’s branding, just wait until you experience it’s “x2 double taste.” The flavor is undoubtedly powerful. Living up to its name, it’s also inexplicably the flavor of pork. There really is no other way to describe it. If you ever accidentally poison yourself and need to empty your stomach, just take a big whiff of this soda’s meaty odor and suck it down the hatch. You’ll soon be seeing it again.
As for caffeine content, total milligrams aren’t listed on the bottles, but Coca-Cola has said their version has a bit less than a cup of coffee, and the others are probably similar. This little experiment was certainly an afternoon pick-me-up, albeit shortlived as the buzzy high gives way to punch-force sugar crash an hour later. Drink at your own risk.
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Images: Taobao, Joey Knotts, Giphy, Tmall, Taste of Home
