BJ Pizza Wars X: La Pizza v The Tree

Susan Sheng | Oct 27, 2011 2:00 pm | Add a comment | 2380 reads

I was never a very edgy kid in high school. I hung out with geeks, chess players and the occasional weirdo from the Internet. We regularly engaged in substance abuse, but probably not the kind you're thinking of. No, I'm talking about playing hardball with rennet-meets-milk-protein and getting all hot 'n' bothered at the fromagerie: CHEESE. And, y'know, when you're talking about cheese, even softcore gets pretty hardcore. So really, our next pizza is something like quadruple-X. Hola, quadra queso!

And who better to handle this hot little cookie than two Sanlitun favorites, La Pizza and The Tree? "Outstanding Italian" and "Best Pizza" respectively in this year's TBJ Reader Restaurant Awards. Two minutes' trotting distance between them (assuming you're fairly brisk and not a midget) but a world of difference: onwards and upwards!

In the Red Corner: Four Cheese, La Pizza (RMB 98, 33cm)

Style: Neo-politan. Well, actually, that's a lie, it's way more old-school than new wave. I concluded this based on this document from an internet group claiming to be the One True Devoted Enclave of the Fierce and Foxy Defenders of Neapolitan Pizza, or something similarly cultish. It outlines exactly how to make an authentic Neapolitan. EXACTLY. La Pizza's sounds pretty close.

Crust: Pillowy! Billowing! Admittedly, it does resemble an Italian OD'ing on UV (bloating, sunspots and all) but it doesn't taste like one. And that's the important bit. A delight in the mouth.

Cheese & sauce: No sauce, but a good, mild mozzarella with a satisfying stretchiness.

Toppings: Bear with me, Reader, as I get a bit narky. Do you see those bulbous yellow lumps, steadfastly refusing an obliging melt? They're very large chunks of parmesan, no matter how much the fuwuyuan claims "Swiss!". Bless her sullen little socks. Good bocconcini, good blue. Bit o' basil in the middle.

Satisfaction: An exercise in avoidance. If you get a bite with no parmesan, you're golden. If you're unfortunate enough to bite into one of those cheesy depth-charges, my sincerest sympathies. And finally, if you stumble into a double-team parmesan-blue cheesemine, keep yo' chin up and just swallow. Your mouth will stop tasting like dead gym sock after an hour. Just pick the parmesan off. Trust me.

Morning after: One of the best thus far. Only somewhat soggy-bottomed.

Next up ...

In the Blue Corner: Four Cheese, The Tree (RMB 75)

Style: Very much like Annie's, but thinner.

Crust: See above. No, really. On the bright side, it doesn't appear to suffer from pizza jaundice.

Cheese & sauce: A saucy four-cheese! How delightful. They say all pizzas look the same in the dark, and this, I can confirm, is true. What they don't mention, however, is that they all taste the same if the pizza-maker decides to drop a Little Boy-sized Roquefort bomb in the middle. I only realized once I got to the crust that there was in fact tomato, and that it was innocently, delicately sweet.

Toppings: Feta, blue and powdered Kraft parmesan. They were kind enough to bring the shaker to the table, helpfully adding that I could "DIY". There's something admirably ballsy about that, no? "Best Pizza" in our Restaurant Awards at least three times - including this year - and Kraft powdered shaker parmesan. I guess it must have a bit of Judd Nelson appeal. Dirty but delish? You tell me. Oh, and there are olives. Just in case you were lacking in NaCl.

Satisfaction: Quite honestly, I felt slightly cheated. Something about great expectations, and the disappointment thereof. I kept eating, hoping to find some glimpse of the bewitching 'za that enchants so many. What I got was a raging sense of resentment and an uncomfortable, overstuffed feeling.

Morning after: This judgement might need disqualification, as I accidentally left this out in my fridge sans-Glad Wrap. Result tasted something like a waterlogged cheese cracker, albeit a cheese cracker someone would have to pay me to eat.

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I'm in a finance-y kind of mood, let's break this popsicle stand down. La Pizza is approximately 30 percent pricier than The Tree, but half a LP pie left me as happy as a pig in cheese, or however that simile goes, whereas I ate three-quarters of a Tree pizza. You do the maths. One Australian pizza-man remarked to me that "It used to be that the only place in Beijing where you could get even a reasonably good pizza was The Tree." I believe that's the only thing that keeps the old girl well-patronized, even on a Monday.

Verdict: La Pizza.

Just one more week to go! Check us out next Monday & Thursday at 2pm for your last doses of pie-tastic duelling. Before that, take another look at matchups past:

Episode IX: Kro's Nest v Tube Station Pizza
Episode VIII: Alio Olio v Annie's
Episode VII: Alla Osteria v Cornerstone
Episode VI: Scott's Family Restaurant v Nasca
Episode V: Vineyard Cafe v Alba
Episode IV: Tavola v Pizza by LMPlus
Episode III: The Den v Pizza Buona
Episode II: Eatalia v Pyro Pizza
Episode I: Hutong Pizza v Pass-by Bar