BJ Pizza Wars I: Hutong Pizza v Pass-by Bar

When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that's ... Beijing Pizza Wars, bi-atch! And that ain't no moon. It's a fat slice of spicy sausage, in your face. Or even worse - an anchovy. Followed by a hail of olive bullets. And finally, four varieties of bubbling hot formaggio poured over your broken body. Yes, it's the blog battle you've all been waiting for. The most prized pizzas in Beijing, going crust to crust over the next six weeks for ultimate wood-fired, stringy cheese supremacy. War, as they don't say nearly often enough, is (mozzar) hell (a).

Enough pizza pun-age, and on with the first match-up. Hutong Pizza and Pass-by Bar, a pair of haggard, varicose-veined contenders still slugging it out like Rocky Balboa and Apollo Creed (before Ivan Drago punched the latter to death and ushered in a new age of precision combat, or in this case, pizza). No nonsense, old school flavors with a twist. Let battle commence.

In the Red Corner: Four Cheese Carnivore Carnival, Hutong Pizza (RMB 81, small)

Style Squarer than a Beijing ring road, but this is no Sicilian. Thin, bready crust boasts a near total topping coverage. And it looks ever so appealing on its rustic-chic wooden board.

Crust Biscuity, with a soupcon of crispy crunch. Not particularly wow-some in itself, but the generosity and flavor of toppings overwhelms feelings of crust underwhelm-ment. An unnoticeably neutral carrier, would be a kind assessment. Stale cake would be less kind. But it's square, which deserves geometric plaudits.

Cheese 'n sauce This particular pie is all about the blue cheese, which lauds it over the other cheeses (mozzarella and parmesan, apparently) like a schoolyard bully. Tomato flavors are somewhere or other. Fine by us.

Toppings Pungent blue cheese rules the roost, and the myriad of meaty toppings adds grease, texture and calories. Spicier sausage would be better, but largely a success, though I will rant about the ground beef. Who wants a pizza splashed with little patches of crumbly gravel?

Satisfaction? Guaranteed. These pies look ace and are made with care. With such a spread of decent quality, rich toppings, a small is enough for two. Two smalls between three turned out to be a button-fly-pinging FEAST.

Morning after Base stayed crispy and the pie was most edible fridge-cold. In pyjamas. Toppings lost a bit of pizzazz, but self-loathing levels stayed in the green, even at 9am.

Next up...

In the Blue Corner: Meat Lover, Pass-by Bar, RMB 68 (10 inch)

Style Let's call it "hostel style". Probably made by referring to pixelated thumbnails of pizzas on Baidu image search. It's somewhere between Neapolitan and Deep Dish, I suppose. Handsome dusting of flour on the edge of the nicely browned crust. But it's all an illusion...

Crust Crisp coated but doughy and bready in the middle, like a doughy, bready disappointment. Slightly sweet, which is never a good thing for pizza crust.

Cheese n sauce Stringy, plastic-y cheese – very little tomato, which is a huge kindness because what little sour-tasting ragu exists is already a foodie disaster on par with a giant chocolate Titanic attempting to circumnavigate an ocean of fire.

Toppings A generous scatter-gun of meat including ginormous hunks of rough-hewn ham that looks like it’s been carved from a pig with a battleaxe, unappealing slices of mild pepperoni sausage, budget bacon and red pepper. Spicy chicken is particularly worrisome.

Satisfaction? Err, couldn't finish it. And there were three of us. And by couldn't, I mean every fibre of our beings warned us not to. Assuming you were on the verge of starvation and had to consume this pizza immediately or suffer an agonizing death, it’s rather small (a shade off the advertised 10 inches I reckon) and for RMB 68 is, frankly, a rip-off.

Morning after Don't even think about. Seriously. You’re better than that.

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Well, that was a more one-sided contest than a circle repeatedly punching itself in the face. Hutong Pizza is an excellent little place, very pleasant inside with the in-floor fish tank thing going on and kindly, efficient waitresses. Pizza toppings are well done and pies are, generally, very satisfying, despite the crunchy bases. (And a shout-out to the potato skins with sour cream - oh, mama). A few hutong east, and Pass-by Bar is stuck in a crap pizza time-warp. The menu proudly states "since 1999". A bad year for pizzas in China I'd warrant, and it tastes like they've done little to the recipe since. Although ... the lamb chuan'r pizza is actually not that bad.

Verdict? Hutong Pizza all the way.

Stay tuned for the next installment of BJ Pizza Wars, coming this Thursday!

Follow the BJ Pizza Wars as we pit 24 of the city's best pies head to head here: http://www.thebeijinger.com/blog/BJ-Pizza-Wars. Each Monday at 2 Tom O'Malley takes a look at two Beijing pizza joints while Thursdays at 2 Susan Sheng pits pie vs pie.

Photos: Tom O'Malley