Rating the Dating: Can a 'Love Expert' Crack China's Top Dating Show?

What happens when an American ‘love expert’ is invited onto China’s most popular dating show? Does she navigate it with ease or come unstuck by the pressure? And most importantly, does she get a date? Yue Xu, 32, was born in Beijing and moved to the US when she was eight years old, where she lives in LA.

Fei Cheng Wu Rao 非誠勿擾 (If You Are The One), is a Chinese TV program where 24 single girls have a light which they can either turn off or leave on to show their interest in a man. Yue Xu had that illuminating choice when she appeared in four episodes of the show this winter. She left her light on until the end in one of those episodes. She did not leave with a date.

How was the experience?

I learned a lot about myself and China and China’s perception of Chinese-Americans. Most of the contestants were from America. But some were basically new to America and had been there ten years or less. The show tended to group them together, thinking it was the same kind of lifestyle. I think it was hard for them to accept we were all very different. Different steps in our Americanization.

What did you learn about yourself?

That my Chinese was not as good as I thought it would be. And I’m more Americanized than I thought I was. In reality TV, they categorize you straightaway. Humans are multidimensional but [TV producers] want to typecast. You’ll have a label, a type for the rest of the show. For me, that type was ‘love expert’. I even had a catchphrase for my ‘character’ – which was: “I can see right through men.”

Insider info: In the episodes, if a guy managed to get a date (and if he got 21 or more lights on in the initial round), the couple got to go on a trip to the Aegean Islands. They could choose to take this trip together or separately.

How did you get involved to take part in the show?

The producers approached me after [my friend’s] audition. They were very aggressive in their follow-up. They were very smart with their wording, saying: “You would evoke another reaction from the audience.” They wanted me to challenge the hosts and their thinking, to ask very provocative questions. To be aggressive.

Did you give them what they wanted?

Yes and no. I challenged Le Jia [one of the hosts]. There was animosity. He was surprised that I was there to challenge him. I said, “I don’t believe girls should chase guys at all.” He didn’t agree. And did not elaborate, just said “no.” The hosts didn’t talk to us at all outside of the filming. It’s all for show.

You’re a dating expert. So how come you didn’t get a date from the show?

I can’t see someone from far away. It’s not the right place to find a date. Insider info – the lights when they’re on or off, you can’t keep track. It’s hard to tell if your light is on or off. But they were great guys with great credentials.

If you were to give a guy tips on how to be successful on this show, how would you coach him?

One: Think of something that’s memorable. Dress up as Spiderman or bring a bouquet of flowers. Do something authentic. It’s very easy to be forgettable.

Two: Don’t be discouraged if you don’t leave with someone. Some girls turn off their light because they’re nervous. And also, after the show, the male contestants get thousands of emails from girls. So they come out with a great response.

Yue Xu on why so many guys on the show don’t leave with a date: “It’s not because the girls are demanding, it’s because all the guys are too similar. They all blend in. The girls are all pretty different, so why have the same guys? I can tell you the backstage conversation with the girls is always...”Remember the IT guy?””Which IT guy?”...”Remember the doctor guy?” “Which one?””

If you had to ask one single question of the guys – what would it be?

I would say: “Describe your perfect girl”. How a guy answers that question will reveal their dating experience, their thought process – what he’s looking for. If he lists ideal attributes like “tall,” “nice hair” and “long legs” … then he’s looking for superficial relationships. But he says “caring,” “thoughtful” and “makes me feel good,” then he has some experience dating, and he’s looking for a deeper relationship.

Have you had any follow-up interest, dates from being on the show?

Yes, we’ve all gotten emails – mostly from China. Some have photos attached which can be very funny. They can list their height, age, how much they make, their house, their car – all of their vitals and statistics.

Are you single now?

[long pause] I’m dating. I’m not married. When I was in China, I did an experiment with dating a local. There were language and cultural differences. Like I have a very sarcastic sense of humor, but they just weren’t on the same page. I have a pretty good dating history, been in some great relationships but just not the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. It’s based on a feeling, chemistry.

Yue Xu is still a dating coach and is currently expanding operations in LA. She will return to Beijing later this year. Her website is Singlefied.com.