Three Things to Know About Chinese-Foreigner Dating

Jerry Chan | Oct 24, 2013 1:30 pm | 19 comments | 9751 reads

Jocelyn Eikenburg hails from Ohio and met her Chinese husband in Hangzhou. For the past few years she's been blogging on Speaking of China – where she's gained a following by writing about her perspectives on being a foreign woman married to a Chinese man.

Back in 2009, she wrote a post ruminating on why relationships like hers are so rare and cited cultural and racial stereotypes of both Chinese and foreigners, parental pressures, inferiority complexes (on the part of the men), intimacy issues and financial factors as the primary reasons why there are relatively few foreign women married to Chinese men, particularly those from the Mainland.

More recently she posted about "three things [she] wished she had known about dating in China" – maxims that seem to apply to any intercultural relationship. Among her observations:

"One of my first arguments with a boyfriend in China happened over something that many Americans think nothing about. I happened to tell him about a relationship with an ex-boyfriend during my senior year in university. While couples in the US bond over swapping relationship “war stories”, discussing your exes with your Chinese boyfriend could blow up in your face. I’m not saying there aren’t guys in China who might be amenable to such discussions – just realize it’s the usually exception and not the norm. After all, my friend and fellow yangxifu Jessica once told me, “My husband does not want to hear anything about my ex-boyfriends, sexual history, or even ‘regular’ history.”

Read the rest of her post here to see if any of it rings true if you're in a similar relationship (or take some notes if you're thinking of pursuing one).

Photo: tiexue.net

Comments

New comments are displayed first.

Comments

squid's picture squid Submitted by Guest on Sat, 11/02/2013 - 19:17

I hear you admin. I am actually impressed that something at least was done. The last thing I want to see is this resource being a facilitator for unpleasant community sentiments-in both directions. I appreciate the effort.

If zhuwensen feels censored...call that great.

admin's picture admin Submitted by Guest on Sat, 11/02/2013 - 07:14

I'm sure 90% of the traffic was for the post itself. The remaining 10% might have been amused by your claptrap in the comments, but only in that ogling-a-train-wreck way

 

Books by current and former Beijinger staffers

http://astore.amazon.com/truerunmedia-20

Jerry's picture Jerry Submitted by Guest on Mon, 10/28/2013 - 09:29

Trust me, Zhu, Jerry Chan is my real name.

You are also entitled to your opinion, and we are equally entitled to moderate this site to ensure that it remains a useful resource for readers.

All we ask is that you keep your comments within the bounds of acceptable taste.

 

 

 

 

 

Jerry Chan, Digital Marketing & Content Strategy Director

zhuwensen's picture zhuwensen Submitted by Guest on Mon, 10/28/2013 - 08:35

Well "Jerry" (and I am not buying the BS about that being your real name), yer article is dealing with a fundamental issue of race relations, and your response is to narrow the range of the discussion following.

A logical and uncensorial approach is for you and those other squids who disagree to point out errors in the comments of others, not to delete or redact them.

If you wish to deny that the Japanese are cruel, then provide substantiating evidence.

it seems that the only tool you have is a hammer. I am continually surprised at how authoritarian the soi-dissant liberals are.

Jerry's picture Jerry Submitted by Guest on Mon, 10/28/2013 - 07:11

Zhuwensen: Jerry is my real name (I wrote and posted the blog, if you haven't noticed). 

I'll let the juvenile level of your latest comments speak for itself, but please do not post any addtional racists comments on the site. 

Squid: See what I mean?

 

 

Jerry Chan, Digital Marketing & Content Strategy Director

Jerry's picture Jerry Submitted by Guest on Sun, 10/27/2013 - 20:41

We have definitely had our share of ignorant nonsense posted by some users on this site - but no, we don't encourage it and we agree that it is definitely an ongoing problem.

It's amazing what people will post online because they can hide behind that thin veil of online anonymity.

Now imagine if we were to switch to a real-name registration system...

But in all seriousness, striking a fair balance between maintaining a free and open forum and keeping discussions within the bounds of good taste has been a constant challenge, and our attempts to tackle this problem have had mixed results in the past: When we've tried to more actively delete posts and comments that seemed offensive, some readers have taken issue with what they perceived as our "censorship" while others complained that we were being too heavy-handed in certain instances.

Ultimately if we are to keep the Beijinger as a positive and constructive resource for information and discussion, then you're quite right that we should keep closer tabs on posts that cross the boundaries of taste and reason.

Thanks for head's up.

 

Jerry Chan, Digital Marketing & Content Strategy Director

squid's picture squid Submitted by Guest on Sat, 10/26/2013 - 20:41

So is absolutely every type of race baiting, hate speech, slur and derogatory comments towards every nationality not only allowed on this site, but openly encouraged?

Is that really why this site exists admin? Let's just see who can write the most offensive comments about the others race.

cool89's picture cool89 Submitted by Guest on Thu, 10/24/2013 - 18:16

The kind of comments on this article are hilarious. I must admit I am having a great laugh going through them. I know a friend and a famous blogger as well who is currently dating a chinese and writes about her experiences here: http://sarajaaksola.com/

I also happen to write about my experiences in China. Be sure to check it out: http://prachipreaches.blogspot.com/

Jerry's picture Jerry Submitted by Guest on Thu, 10/24/2013 - 15:42

On another note, here's a BBC profile of Jocelyn Eickenburg that came out today.

 

Quote:
A foreign woman with a Chinese man is a rare pairing. Within her small expat community the social isolation was almost immediate. She felt alienated by her girlfriends, who would openly express their distaste for Chinese men. "I felt alone in being married to a Chinese man and I wanted to find other people to connect with," says Ms Eickenburg about her decision in 2009 to share her experiences on her blog, Speaking of China. She says she now receives scores of emails a month from Chinese people curious about meeting and dating foreigners, or partners new to, or experiencing difficulties, in cross-cultural relationship

Jerry Chan, Digital Marketing & Content Strategy Director

Validate your mobile phone number to post comments.